|
|
BATHROOMS
- Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.
DOORS - Do not allow any closed doors in any
room. To get the door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with
forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you
have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and
think about several things. This is particularly important during very
cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
CHAIRS AND RUGS - If you have to throw up, get
to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental
rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the
carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a human's bare foot.
HAMPERING - If one of your humans is engaged
in some activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This
is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the
rules for hampering:
a. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped
on and then picked up and comforted.
b. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book
unless you can lie across the book itself.
c. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across
keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap
across arms, hampering typing in progress.
WALKING - As often as possible, dart quickly
and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs,
when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they
first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
BEDTIME - Always sleep on the human at night
so he/she cannot move around.
LITTER BOX - When using the litter box, be
sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the
feel of kitty litter between their toes.
HIDING - Every now and then, hide in a place
where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four
hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic
(which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you
do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses, and you
probably will get a treat.
ONE LAST THOUGHT - Whenever possible, get
close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your
butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget the
guests.
|
